While the world changes around us, some things are timeless. The exhilarating feeling of a sweaty body hitting cool water never changes; neither does the anxiety of changing into a swimsuit in front of other kids.
Kids respond uniquely to the changing experience. Some kids could not care less; others find it terrifying. How will your child react? How can you help?
What can influence a child’s reaction?
Age plays a big role.
Pre-school and younger kids generally don’t care. They just want to swim.
Sometime around age 5 or 6, children become aware of the differences between people; their curiosity levels vary. For some kids, different size or shaped genitals may be no more interesting than variations in facial features. As kids are exposed to various images emphasizing and sexualizing body parts, associations set in. It is not unusual for a 6 year old girl to “know” that bigger breasts are a sort of status symbol. Group changing can be particularly uncomfortable for pre-teens; they are often highly status conscious and confused about the changes in their body.
Family’s norms will have an effect.
Camp preparation is a good time to pay attention to the messages you send your child about the difference between privacy and secrecy. Private means we choose who to share something with; secrecy means no one knows. There should be no secrets between parents and children regarding their bodies; families develop their own values about privacy. Children from families with more stringent norms about privacy may need additional preparation for changing time. If you have been avoiding this issue now is the time to talk to your child!
Who’s in charge?
The locker room is one of the worst places to be bullied or teased — a child is particularly vulnerable. Having trained, mature staff manage the experience is crucial.
Parents should know who supervises changing time. Young camp staff can still be struggling through their own adolescent issues and may not be the most sensitive human beings. It may be impossible to have a developmental psychologist in every summer program, but it is a great idea for a camp provide a training session for all its staff.
What can you do?
Prepare your child with a preventative discussion; this is a good topic to slip into a conversation about summer camp. “Are you looking forward to swimming? The changing room can be interesting; kids your age can look pretty different from each other.”
Don’t forget the ultra-practical — make sure the swimsuit is simple. Locker rooms are no place for fancy decorations that could get tangled or fasteners beyond a child’s reach. If the child just HAS to have something really fancy, practice getting in and out of the suit with your child.
Check in with your child once the program is in progress. Try mixing a personal thought with a question, for example, “How’s the locker room experience going? I remember everyone giggling so hard we could hardly get our suits on,” or “I remember being teased because I had (or didn’t have) hair (pubic hair, leg hair) before other kids did.”
Getting ready for summer camp provides great opportunities to discuss privacy, secrecy, puberty, peer pressure and other issues where parents want to transmit their values to children. Take advantage of it! You’ll get closer to your kids and help keep them safe and healthy!
Janet Rosenzweig MS, PhD, MPA is the author of the Sex-Wise Parent (Skyhorse, 2012) and a thirty year veteran of child welfare and youth serving programs. She is committed to bringing the best possible information to parents to help them raise safe, healthy, happy kids.
I work with the 5 and 6 year olds at the local Y for the summer camp program. Usually there’s just too many of them to have them change in private stalls, and they’re usually okay changing in front of others (the boys are at least). We put them in a section away from adults in the locker room, and put a towel up to keep them blocked (with two male counselors supervising).
I try to prime them before the locker room in order to prevent bullying.
The ground rules are:
(1) No loud talking or yelling
(2) No wasting time, change your clothes quickly
(3) Keep to your own space and keep your hands and feet to yourself.
(4) If you see your friend naked, say NOTHING!
Believe me, boys will notice that some of their friends penises look different (particularly circ or uncirc). We tell them not to say a word about it, and that if they have questions about that, they should ask their parents.
With the older groups (7-12), we will usually allow them to change privately since there’s usually fewer of them, and they usually don’t take as long to change anyway.